I dunno anymore...

I thought my life was at its worst a few years or even months ago, when my search for a job hit the 6 year mark and my mom officially had to borrow my student loan to pay the heating bill.


But then the past month happened. Let me run this down for you, saving the worst for last.


Recently, I've had a falling out with one of the best friends I've ever had. She decided to ignore my advice on many, many occasions and after the slightest bit of criticism she's now talking about me behind my back on her Facebook. This is something I found out about through mutual friends who thankfully(?) alerted me to this miniature smear campaign being run by her, and to be frank, I'm not sure what to do. All I'm sure about is that I'm upset and saddened at the lost of a very good friend over something as stupid as a slight criticism of her actions.

Now for the worst of it.


We found out my cousin Eric has had a brain tumor for at least the past six months. This is all tragic news by itself. But then we found out that it's the size of a golfball behind his left eye. Okay, that sucks. We can get it out right? Yeah, except for the fact that it's extremely fast growing and has spider-webbed it's way into the majority of the left side of his brain and his brain stem.

On Wednesday, they're going in to a 17 hr surgery to try and remove it and only 7 things are for sure. No matter what happens, he'll never see out of his left eye. He'll always be deaf in his left ear. He'll never taste again. He'll never chew again since they have to remove essentially the entire left side of his skull to get to the thing. He'll never look like my cousin again. And he'll never, but NEVER speak again. Now factor in the fact that apparently he's only the 2nd case of this tumor in the US and despite having the best brain surgeons in the country being flown in, he still has a dismal chance at making it out of the surgery. And I just found out he'll be on a feeding tube for the rest of his life afterwards.

So yeah. I'm at the end of my rope. The cousin who's been a little brother to me has a tumor that'll kill him if it's not removed, and if it is removed, he'll never be the same kid I've grown up with again. Either way, I'm essentially losing a brother.


Is this an away notice? I dunno. Is it a "I'm not posting until further notice" notice? More likely than the previous option, but again - I dunno. Right now, I'm not sure of much in the way of what I'm gonna be doing here or anywhere else for that matter. Hell, i've missed the past three class dates for my Speech class because of it all. I may miss the one tomorrow, too. I dunno.

All i know is this; My life, as of this moment, is my own personal Hell.